Keys to effective communication in marriage
January 4, 2008 by Rev. Isreal Odewole | Tell a friend | Printer versionIf you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!
Communication is a basic part of all human life. It is defined as “an act of passing on news, information, feelings” etc. It involves sharing and exchanging information. Communication in marriage is the’ how’
for most of the ‘what’ that takes place between any couple. Simply put, it is love in action and love is defined as learning the other person’s love language.
To understand each other there must be effective communication. to communicate effectively the message, idea, information or emotion transmitted must be received and understood. Most marriages fail due to poor communication styles. Being able to communicate effectively would help in resolving conflicts. There are however factors that can hinder communication in marriage.
Factors that hinder communication
- Anger, fear, loneliness and doubt are the most common causes
Most of the time, these problems don’t originate within marriage itself. They develop during childhood and as each spouse observe how his or her parents interact. Normally, the patterns and styles of relating that we learned in our family are what we take into our marriage. Some of the difficulties and misunderstanding arise from unconscious repetition of our parents’ emotional, behavioural, relational or spiritual weaknesses. - Ignorance and selfishness
Some people are ignorant of the benefits of chatting with their spouse hence they neglect it altogether. Others tend to profess themselves as “gods” in their homes with their spouse and children as subjects. - Opposite temperaments
Temperament influences everything in a person’s life, particularly conversation. Synopsis of recommended reading are provide below. They would provide invaluable insights to the 4 personality types categorised by experts.
Keys to Effective Communication
- Learn to understand your partner
- Plan a suitable time for your partner
- Speak the truth in love Ephesians 4:15But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: - King James Version
- Allow for reaction time
- Never argue or defend yourself
- Accept your partner unconditionally and cheerfully
- Introduce the pressing subject tactfully
- Pray about everything
- Commit the matter to God
Questions for insight
Below are question you may like to ask yourself. Proving answers to these question would give you insights and a better understanding of your communication pattern and provide cues to help improve it.
- How did my parents relate to one another?
- How did my parents relate to my siblings & me?
- What relational strengths did I inherit from my parents?
- What relational weaknesses did I inherit?
- How am I repeating these weaknesses in my marriage?
- Which parent have I become like?
- How am I repeating the relational strengths in my marriage?
- Can I clearly say what I feeling or what I need or do others have a hard time reading me?
- Do others see me as a good listener? Do I find it hard to pay attention to what someone is saying without comparing his or her situation to my own?
- Are my nonverbal signals, like eye contact, facial expressions and posture, usually consistent with what I saying?
- Do I need to forgive my spouse?
Recommended Reading
Understand Your Man: Secrets of the Male Temperament
Every woman wants to know. Best-selling author Tim LaHaye has the answer to that question and is ready to share it. In “Understand Your Man”, he looks at four distinct male personality types to help women understand how the men in their life deal with anger, process emotion, and express their masculinity.
By looking at each of the four personality types from a masculine point of view, LaHaye not only helps women understand their men but also shows husbands, brothers, and fathers how to recognize and build on their personal strengths and understand their weaknesses.
Spirit-Controlled Temperament
I found this book to be an excellent book on the four different temperaments and there different blends. It opens the door to an extremely fascinating world of our different temperaments. And it answers questions about why we are the way we are as individuals.
The strengths and weaknesses of the different blends are highlighted and discussed. And how the holy spirit works on our temperaments.If you have ever wondered why you are the way you are (introverted?…extroverted?…a blend?) or why the people closest to you (spouse, friends….) are so different and you want answers, then this book is a must!.
After reading this book, my interest in temperaments soared and I went on to read ‘opposites attract’ by the same author and ’spirit controlled woman’ by Beverly LaHaye, both of which I highly recommend as well!.
Author’s URL: Divine Messages
