Comments on: Is digging into your spouse’s past necessary?

By: yettypearl

yettypearl — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 18:05:14 +0000

i do apologise if my replies are too long:D

By: yettypearl

yettypearl — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 18:02:24 +0000

Wanting to share as much as i can is a personal thing and quantifying what’s much and what’s not enough is also very subjective i believe.

i belive what matters is UNDERSTANDING the best way to share i.e the approach that works for both you and your spouse. So that after sharing you know no one’s going to be told to sleep on the couch that night.

also one shouldn’t be threatened into sharing. reasons for sharing should not be for personal gain (i.e one forcing a partner to share just to satisfy one’s curiosity)….it’s should be for the benefit of both parties.

i also believe certain things need to be shared e.g like i said before…things from your past that still afffect you in the present. your partner deserves a right to know why you react in a certain way when he/she/someone else say’s or does cetain things. that way you can both work together to figure out ways to help you best deal with the problem…(your partner is a human being and so he/she can only be understanding to a certain limit so its helps when there’s a reason to give more room for understanding)

also certain things can affect the future of the relationship and so its only fair to share them so each person know’s what they are gettig into before they say the ‘i do’s’ and its never too late to share them even after the ‘i do’s’…..that way if ya’l need to pray…everyone knows what they are praying about.
not everyone’s a christian before marriage.

but yeah how much is shared and even how much detail is subjective but at the end of it…the result should be positive not detrimental…so we need to UNDERSTAND how to deal with sharing information about our past.

i’d say be open with one another….
but digging implies that one person is probing into the other persons past in a noosy way..lol????

By: kanyinsola

kanyinsola — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 18:12:10 +0000

now this is a tricky one. cos i personally think whats done is done, really, cos at the end of the end, what will digging into one’s past serve. now that is subjective, cos, different situations warrant different responses.

If a person knows within themselves, they have changed for a considerable amount of time and then meet someone,I dont think delving into the intricacies of the past would serve any good. obviously, it does seem like deception, but then again, I think somethings don’t need to be said. Because, when we become Chrisians, Christ takes away our sins and God forgives us, but man still judges.

I think keeping somethings where they belong sometimes is the best thing.

Sharing all is great, - ‘good or bad’, ‘pleasant or unpleasant’, however what happens when you’ve had more unpleasant than pleasant experiences

By: yettypearl

yettypearl — Sat, 29 Dec 2007 01:42:40 +0000

interesting topic. i agree with d comments above..about he & she starting a relationship on the friendship level to a point were some level of trust is built into the friendship before things go further. this create room for informaton sharing even before marriage.
one of the benefits of true friendship is being able to share things with one another without feeling the other person would condem you…no matter how ‘bad’ it is. it’s about being able to trust & confide in one another.
ideally a spouse should be your bestfriend so its important in this situation that the listener shows they are willing to listen, be understanding and not judgemental….basicaly it’s a time to take on the bestfriend role …making it easier for the owner of the information to share.
i think it’s important to share as much information as possible with your spouse as it helps you get to know each other better, helps your spouse to understand you more…eg why you react a certain way in certain situations or when certain things are said etc. and its best for a spouse to find out from you than to find out from an outsider.
i know it’s easier said than done but im sure it’s worth it when done properly (there’s not one method for everyone….its about finding out what works best for you both)…it could provide a means of release for the person sharing and the partner should appreciate that you trusted him/her that much to share such information and even put them in a position where they feel they can confide in you too.
its also about protecting one another’s information and not broadcasting or using the information to attack them in the future during an arguement for example…dats just wrong and childish…and it breaks trust.
i could go on and on..so i think i’l stop here. but yeah personally i’d like to share as much as i can with my spouse….’good or bad’, ‘plesant or unpleasant’

By: traceychiwuzie

traceychiwuzie — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 09:47:56 +0000

Renee is right. You really need to be more or less best friends with a guy first before a relationship so both of you can get to know all the good and the bad things about each other, especially the past. That way both of you build up trust which is the foundation of a good relationship.
Its a bit confusing as I would want to know what my hubby is up to or has been up to for health reasons….
Apart from the above reason, I believe that ‘what you dont know wont hurt you’ so I will not dig!

By: Renee Chaffin

Renee Chaffin — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 23:48:11 +0000

I found this article very interesting..I actually think you should try being friends (or have a friend based relationship) before you actually date someone. That way they probably know who u were and who u are now because u have built trust in that person as a friend first. That way there really aren’t any BIG secrets left.

When it comes to someone’s past…do u REALLY even WANT to know everything? If someone u are feeling used to be extremely promiscuous then maybe you should know for health reasons because things have been known to lay dorminate in the body…

By: Alero

Alero — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 21:39:57 +0000

hmm. this one is quite thought provoking. you are truly gifted and divinely inspired, you touch issues at the heart