In the beginning God made man. He was flawless, had the image of God and was commanded to have dominion and replenish the earth. Woman was created out of man to be his help meet thus instituting marriage as the premise for procreation, family life. The fall of man in the Garden of Eden brought sin into the world which has permeated into every aspect of human living especially the institution of marriage.
Genesis 1:26-2826And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. 27So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. 28And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. - King James VersionHowever, the wisdom of God through the bible guide us in making the right decision when it comes to choosing a spouse with the intention of getting married. Being spiritually dense should make anyone earthly useless, we can pray and trust God for wisdom in choosing a spouse but that should not rob us of our common sense.
Not everyone in the church is saved and sanctified. They may say they are born-again, holy ghost filled, water baptised, devil stomping bible believers, but be aware that there are lots of wolves amongst sheep in the church especially in this end time. We should be as wise as the serpent and gentle as the dove. Below are 5 things worth considering in the build up to the altar. They do not come in any order nor should they necessarily be the deciding factor when choosing a spouse, but they are worth bearing in mind.
-
Sexual Orientation
Marriage and family have been given a new meaning now a days. We were taught in school that a family consisted of the father, mother and children. Today it is a different ball game altogether. Society, opinion groups and sects have derived different meanings for themselves.
A family can now be said to consist of a 2 fathers and children, 2 mothers and children, a mother and a beast, a man and his pet, a mother and a pet or any permutations and combinations of the variables. Laws are being promulgated to enshrine and legalise these unions in certain countries. This ideology has crept into the church exemplified by the acceptance and ordination of bishops and priests with questionable sexual orientations. This has brought a division in the Anglican community.
To people from some tribes, groups and countries, choosing a spouse sexual with the right sexual orientation may be common sense, but truly common sense isn’t that common after all. Dogs are normally attributed to be indiscriminate when it comes to mating but I’m yet to see two male dogs getting it on. The story is however different when it comes to human with supposedly higher intellect.
It is worth confirming the sexual orientation of your intended spouse, not necessarily by having sex of getting her pregnant. You may also want to see if he or she has or have had any history in this regard? Has that inclination been dealt with, physically, emotionally and spiritually? Perhaps you may want to confirm the gender of your intended mate. Is the intended spouse a he, she or a shemale? I’m sure you do not want to find out on your honeymoon night that you wife who is obviously well endowed with the features of a woman is actually a he and has the apparatus of a man or vice versa.Romans 1:21-2721Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened. 22Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, 23And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things. 24Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves: 25Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen. 26For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: 27And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet. - King James Version
-
Racial and Tribal Differences
In my opinion, race or tribal differences should not be a deciding factor. God made man, and man we all are, whether you are Asian, Caucasian, African or American. All flesh is the same; however you need to consider the differences between races and tribes. There are tribes in the same country that do not sanction inter-tribal or interracial marriages so it isn’t an issue of colour but differences in beliefs, ideology and in some cause entrenched traditions.
The white and black dichotomy occurs because it is the most obvious nature of our skin colour and perhaps from the history of slave trade. You can hide tribal differences, change accents, learn a new language, dress differently and live in a different location, but you cannot change your skin colour. The traditions of men have made the word of God of no effect. It is worth considering the effects it would have on you, your spouse and family and be ready to deal with them.2 Corinthians 5:16Wherefore henceforth know we no man after the flesh: yea, though we have known Christ after the flesh, yet now henceforth know we him no more. - King James Version
-
Status in Life
Well it is good to marry above you status in life as long as you do not feel inferior in the union. If you feel you can be equally yoked as a school drop married to a professor, that’s fine. There are instances when marriages of this nature have motivated the other spouse to go back to school and get an education. In other cases, the less educated spouse has been left feeling inferior and insecure. Both parties do not have to be educated; it is a matter of self confidence and belief in one self. Success in life does not necessarily require university education.
In addition, you may need to find out the immigration status of your intended spouse. In the bid to attain legitimate immigration status in a foreign country, hands full of people choose spouses based on their immigration status. However, not everyone foreigner has this in mind, so it should not be the sole deciding factor. There are genuine and sanctified people going into relationships with the right motives and attitudes.
-
Medical History
I believe in divine healing so this is not a matter of being canal or acting without faith. However, you need to know the medical state of your intended spouse before marriage. Well God forgive sins but you may be living with the effect of your past. It would be devastating to find out after marriage that your wife has no womb because of abortions in the past, of that your spouse has HIV or any other sexually transmitted disease due to promiscuity, drug abuse or sexual orientation.
In addition certain medical cases in offspring’s like sickle cell anaemia are more likely to occur with the union of spouses with certain blood genotypes. It would be ideal for both parties to be aware of any disability or ailment and let the other party make up his or her mind based on the facts and decide if they have the faith to believe God for divine healing.
-
Age
Are you one of these that believe that age is just a number, or a measure for respect and authority? A school of thought is of the opinion that God created man first, so the man should be older than the woman in a relationship. In my opinion, it is up to the parties to decide what their preferences are. I am not aware of any commandment or scripture in the bible that says the man should be older. If both parties are happy with the union after considering all ramifications and implications, and they are getting married for the right reason, it shouldn’t be any ones business.
Certain traditions forbid such union and consider it a cause for the wife to be older than the husband. It entirely up to the parties involved to decide. If you find yourself in this situation, you need to be aware of the oppositions you are likely to face and how you would respond if you have to. You need to be convinced and persuaded in your line of action and not because somebody else did the same. Let me include that both parties must be legally permitted to get married because there are paedophiles roaming about seeking innocent children.
This post of course is not all inclusive, there are other things you need to discuss with your intended spouse and decide to agree or agree to disagree. Some other issues include hobbies, raising kids, finances, responsibilities to extended families, friends, work, location etc. Marriage is good and worth every investment you put into find your spouse and making the marriage work. Choosing your spouse is the most important decision you would ever make after accepting Jesus are your Lord and saviour. Beside he would never leave you or forsake you. Shalom
Recommended Books |
||
 |
Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before and After You Marry“Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts”, created by relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, is a comprehensive marriage program designed specifically for today’s couples by a couple. And now, in this updated edition, the Parrotts’ award-winning approach has been expanded to incorporate ten more years of feedback, research, and professional experience. This is more than a book – it’s practically a self-guided premarital counseling course, and it is used by counselors and churches across the country and, now in ten languages, worldwide. Questions at the end of every chapter help you explore each topic personally. It acts as a companion to men’s and women’s workbooks. It is full of self-tests and exercises that help you apply what you learn and also enjoy intimate discussions along the way. The features include: uncover the most important misbeliefs of marriage; learn how to communicate with instant understanding; discover the secret to reducing and resolving conflict; master the skills of money management; get your sex life off to a great start; understand the three essential ingredients to lasting love; discover the importance of becoming “soul mates”; and more. Make your marriage everything it is meant to be. Save your marriage – before (and after) it starts. |
|
 |
Dating with Pure PassionThis book will heal you, help you, edify you, wash you, purify you, amaze you, break you, soften you and love you and teach you how to really love the person in your life. God through this book will let you see the one you love the way He sees them, and He will open your eyes to see where you have been wrong. it was hard on me to see the true state of my heart. The passion of Christ was and is for every area of our lives, including dating. |
|
 |
 |
 |
How Can I Be Sure?: Questions to Ask Before You Get Married |
What I Wish I’d Known Before I Got Married |
Before You Say “I Do”: A Marriage Preparation Manual for Couples |
Hi. We all need to ask one simple question to ourselves: What would I do if I needed to make this decision again? What did I hear? What did I feel? NOT why did he/she talk to me like that? What did I do to deserve this? There is only one way to master our relationships; it is mastering our way of communication style.