Five days after I had posted an article on one of the Article Sites I am affiliated to I got 15 responses to the article, great ha? Well not too great for me because people wanted to know who I thought I was to say what I had said in my article.At first I was not going to respond as these people did not know me from Adam and I had no reason to respond as this was my opinion as I am entitled to one and who cares what anyone else thought?
I was not going to be phased by these emails, not for anything. At least that was what I wanted to do but I found myself sitting down and sending my response one by one to these guys, I guessed that my opinion and beliefs are not because I just want to write articles but because I believe what I say and so I will speak or write of it and if anyone needs clarification I will provide it freely.
In this almost controversial article I had said that one should not get into a relationship until they full understand where the other is coming from and where they are going without the make up. In simply “if the kitchen is too hot, get out”
I will qualify my statement in a slightly more dramatic way, those who care for the truth, please do read on.
From my Primary education to high school we wrote test which would determine which class you would go in, they were a choice of 5 classes and the final primary examinations would be the fact that separated which classes one would be in. The first class was for those who would take on Sciences, Maths, Physics, Chemistry & Biology plus all the other subjects like Geography, English, Shona, Accounts, Technical Graphics, History and a Practical Subject like Fashion & Fabrics, Food and Nutrition or Building. As you went down the sciences would be removed one by one until you had non sciences in the last class.
Should one pass and they were not interested in the sciences, there was a choice to go into any of the other classes but only if one had passed. Where am I going with this? Well, the issue was that we knew what it meant to pass or fail and we knew what we expected either side of the results which helped us make decisions before we got into the exam room.
I was determined to do the sciences, my studies were intensive and I took my time to study for the exam. Although I did not get the pass that I wanted, I got to do my sciences less the Physics and this meant the heavens to me. Yes I was disappointed but I knew that I was not good enough for that subject so I got to do exactly was I was best equipped to deal with.
It is common knowledge that we all have different up bringings and experiences in life; know what affects someone before you commit your life to them. The common sickness that is there is everyone is in a hurry to get a lover and people forget that a relationship means whatever that issues your partner have, they will affect you.
It’s harsh and sad to know that people decide to hide behind the word love just to be with someone. If we were to ask what people understand to be the meaning of that word, we will get various ideas and reason however love is a doing word, love is more than a feeling and certainly more than getting into bed with someone. The movies have tarnished the word love, love has another meaning when you watch the television and it is almost as easy as looking someone on the street and it’s on.
The thing that the television or romantic books will not show or say is how to deal with your partners issues after you are now living with them and you do not see the charm of big beautiful eyes that attracted you to them. I have had people say that they broke up because the love ran out, how does love run out? The simply fact is that no one is interested in knowing the other, they are infatuated and their blood is rushing and they interpret it to be love, which might be far from the truth.
I have always said that it is best to first ask yourself what you would not be happy to deal with or handle in terms of the other parties issues, only then can you decide to go in the relationship or not. If the girl or guy you want to be with has insecurities issues, can you handle the, if they were abused as a child, are prepared to deal with the after myth should anything from the past arise? If you want to be there for that person having answered these important questions then all means is there.
It will always be difficult when you get in the relationship with an intention to be with that person, the safest relationship is one that is built on friendship. I do believe that you can never go wrong with a friend and if you become lovers, you always have the friendship to fall on should the love fail for a day or a week. Friends talk, they are open and true, true friends that is. I have confidence in this because it works, my parents were friends before they married, I was friends with my wife for four years before we married and even now we are even better friends because we are not out to impress each other but to better each other.
The issue of ones past is even deeper than this, the worst thing to deal with in a relationship or in marriage are problems that happened with other relationships. You can spend the entire marriage trying to measure up to an ex or repairing damaged wounds caused by the past. If you go into a relationship without full information or not knowing the past my question is why you want it when you are in. If it was not important for you to know before you went in, why should it be important when you are in? Get the foundations right, a house is not built from the top down but from the ground up, with the aid of a plan. If you have no plan for the relationship that you want, you will be a victim of your own misinformed decisions.
Pingback: We cares » Issues in relationships, do they matter? | Ask Dr. P
Nice post. As the Founder of WV Writing Services I surf the Internetsearching for more useful info to use to better serve our customers. I liked your post and will be back for more.