Lighting a unity candle is sometimes incorporated in wedding ceremonies to symbolise two live coming together as one.Ephesians 5:31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. - King James VersionIn the early days, the love between the husband and wife radiates but after a while it begins to dwindle with each argument, misunderstanding and challenge that life brings. Marriages don’t just pack up all of a sudden, is a gradual process. It is vital that both parties are determined to make the marriage work. Both parties and not one party need to be committed to making it work and to keep the love aflame in the marriage.
The marriage starts after the wedding, the day both parties enrolled into the marriage institution for life to learn and understudy each other. The needs of a man differ from those of a woman as highlighted in [cref 18].
This post intends to look at the needs of a man that, when met, would keep him interested and never getting enough of his wife.
Honour & Respect
The man’s ego needs to be feed constantly. His ego is not the same as pride but a feature on which his manhood and significance anchor. The woman demands, expects and requires the man to at least say ‘I love you’ several times a day. She needs cuddles, gifts, flowers and physical expression of love like holding hands in public. But how often do women make the same effort to feed the man’s ego by honouring and respecting him. As mentioned earlier, both parties must be committed to making the relationship work. It would be unfair and an injustice for one party to put in all the effort while the other basks in love.
The man is commanded to love his wife, the woman is required to respect and honour the man as the head of the home and her covering. In my opinion, a man would prefer to be respected and honoured than to be loved. That’s why men like titles: Dr. A, Prof. B, Reverend Dr. Chief C or Honourable D. The man’s issue is his significance. It is common place for men to get involved with their secretaries at work. Why? Because, amongst other things, they honour and respect them as their bosses.
Mike Murdock in his ‘Wisdom Keys’ said a man would decline to pursue a painful experience. If home only reminds him of pain and dishonour, he’ll seek overtime at work and put in for extra shifts just to avoid going home. He’ll probably prefer spending time with his friends or hang out in the pub.
Honour and respect is a key issue in men. It feeds his ego and establishes his significance. The wife therefore should give seeking ways to honour and respect her husband a higher priority to loving him.
Some practical ways of showing honour and respect include:
1 Peter 3:1Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; - King James Version
Dress to Kill
Anyone heard of the phrase ‘Dress to kill’? Remember the your dating days, when you went all out to grab his attention. The hours you invested shopping for nice clothes, shoes and accessories for that date. Just as you would watch over any major financial investment you make, you need to constantly ensure you keep your man interested. It would take what you did to get his attention to keep his attention. You should not rest your oars now that you’ve gotten him and have the ring on your fingers. Someone else will get his attention sooner than you expect.
At work he sees, nicely dressed ladies, colleagues and clients but at he comes to a tired and shabby look. Perhaps she must have been busy tidying up the home, taking care of the kids and doing household chores, but the need of the husband isn’t still met. He may appreciate the work and things you’ve done but his love tank is in the red. Men are visually stimulated! He needs to see what he wants and where he is going. You can then understand why men are sometimes fussy about weight loss and also plagued with pornography.
The woman should as much as possible seek new ways to keep his full attention. Some of which may include the following:
Be a Pillar and not a Caterpillar
A man need help and support even though he may not voice or admit it. The woman was created and designed to be this help. When man was created the first thing he saw was his job; maintaining the garden. When woman was made, the first thing she experienced was relationship and family. The man thus gains fulfilment from his work and labour while the woman derives fulfilment in relationships and family. The world’s economy has however required the woman to support the man by working and contributing to the household income. This gesture should complement the man’s effort and not serve as an avenue to compete with him.
He needs family support and a commitment to help raise the children properly. He needs a shoulder to lean on. Men may not shed tears but they cry and hurt deep. It’s often expressed in anger and not rears. A woman needs cuddles, re-assuring words and comfort in her times of despair and sorrow, so also does the man.
When the man is hurting is not the time for the woman to demand a reason for his anger but a time to comfort, reassure and support him. She could achieve this by:
These are guidelines and not hard and fast rules. Every marriage is different but overtime you would be able to understand each other if you are committed to the marriage. I cannot overemphasise that both parties must be involved. The wife should not expect the man to make efforts to love and keep the love aflame without reciprocating the gesture. It is team work and both parties must work as a team. Look out for the wife perspectives to keeping the love aflame in future post.
Psalms 128:1-61A Song of degrees. Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways. 2For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee. 3Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table. 4Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the LORD. 5The LORD shall bless thee out of Zion: and thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of thy life. 6Yea, thou shalt see thy children's children, and peace upon Israel. - King James Version
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