Who should I marry? The wife you should be to your husband – part 4

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Apart from carefully considering the characteristics of the men you intend to choose from, when choosing a spouse, you also need to re-examine yourself to see if you would be a suitable wife. In this part, the author suggests questions to be asked, answers of which would determine if the marriage would stand the test of time.

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I became convinced that poetry spilled out from God when I studied Genesis and the verse Adam chanted when he sighted Eve. He had no option than to love her because she met a nagging void that gnawed and ravaged him. She met and fitted the specifications of a hollow part of him that he had need. He was at her ‘beck and call’. If not, do you think he would have considered her suggestion to eat the forbidden fruit??

I respect women because they’re the most powerful creatures on earth and any man who thinks otherwise does so at his own peril. It’s as though God created men and imbued us with so much power and ability, but he locked it up and gave women the access key and the manual for its application. Hence a woman is the greatest motivator or inhibitor that any man can ever have. The woman has the power of influence over a man; absolute power corrupts when used to manipulate others! Some food for thought for you:

1. Will you be his Helper?

You are to help a man become all that God created him to be. To encourage, inspire, admire, praise and nudge him to go all out to fulfil God’s purpose for him. If you are the strong-willed type, will you try to control him, manipulate him or oppress him and make him feel little before you? Will you use kind words that build his ego or those nagging notes and negative vibes that exude from most ladies? Would you rather be drawn to sarcasm that will kill his spirit or imbue what you say to him with some pint of flattery even when you know he is a superstar to be adored?

Will you court the King and Warrior in him or stoke the beast in him….and for sure, men will gravitate towards women that appeal to the king in them and vice versa. Ask King David why he married Abigail and he’d tell you why he loved her. She spoke to the king in him. He would have killed her hubby but she appealed to the gentleman in David and thoughts of her never left him such that after the death of her hubby, he went for her, but he loathed Saul’s daughter who ridiculed him when he worshipped God unreservedly as the Ark made its long trip to Jerusalem. In essence, she despised the most important thing he treasured… his passion for God’s presence!

That partly explains why men who have mistresses hardly let go of them. If he’s got a mistress, go check his home front and you may find a contentious wife that snubs him when he comes back at night, one that tells him to go compare himself with other men who seemingly are better than he is financially and otherwise. Attitudes like this questions a man’s manhood! And if you as a lady can’t respect or accept the wishes, decisions etc of a man since respect is earned, then be wary of marrying him. This is my own submission.

2. Will he treasure your Company?

Another tough one but I must tell you that a man can’t resist the company of an amazing and extraordinary woman. I am a victim of this for I realised in my personal life and experience that it takes much for any lady to hold my attention. Not as though am being idealistic but there have been times that I met ladies that swept me off my feet…long before I knew it because something about their intellect, charm and personality got me reeling in adoration of them. They may not be beauty idols but they just held my attention…and I couldn’t resist their company, and some have remained friends even though we couldn’t marry each other.

One thing is to excite a man with your presence, the other is will you be able to sustain his interest in you and deepen his focus on you to the point that he gets hooked and stuck to you for life? If not, his heart will gravitate to another amazing woman still. Can you make the man comfortable to have him not loathe your company? What would he miss about you when distance separates you from him? If it’s only about your external beauty or amazing anatomy and physiology, then trouble is brewing in the corner. Adam was not alone in the garden but Eve wiped away his feelings of loneliness and met his need for companionship which animals couldn’t meet.

Do you connect with his thoughts, values and interests? This speaks of compatibility in some sense but not all about it. Remember the story of your male friend who married an amazingly pretty babe. he told you how he used to steal a look at her body when they were courting for her beauty ravished him. But months after they got married, his wife realised he didn’t so much cherish her body again because she couldn’t meet his desire for companionship and share his intellectual interests. They had little to discuss. I also remember you telling me that he’d call you late at night so he can have mentally stimulating discussions with you. Why? Because he wasn’t enjoying her company anymore! – "Who should I marry? The wife you should be to your husband – part 5"

Recommended Reading

101 Ways to Get and Keep His Attention

With her straightforward, tell-it-like-it-is style, noted relationship author Michelle McKinney Hammond offers this fresh new perspective on how to attract a man’s attention and what to do once you’ve got it.

From her survey of more than a hundred eligible men, Michelle has expertly painted a realistic picture of what really attracts men to women and then generously shares her enlightening discoveries with her readers. This user-friendly relationship guide is a must-have for all women who want a secret look into the mysterious world of men.

In Search of the Proverbs 31 Man

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McKinney Hammond digs into God’s Word for thought-provoking examples of traits that distinguish a husband (or potential husband) of “noble character.” Essential reading for dating singles of either sex.

Ending the Search for Mr. Right: How to be Found by the Man You’ve Been Looking For

Are you filled with anxiety about finding a spouse? Encouraging you to put your needs in perspective, McKinney Hammond challenges you to break the cycle of unhealthy relationships, learn to love yourself, recognize and celebrate what you bring to relationships, and reconnect with the Lover of your soul.

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