Honesty is the best policy – as often quoted, is definitely the motto to live and abide by in relationships. Why some people may justify the need to tell lies in certain situations, there is no justification to tell a lie. As we perfect holiness in the fear of God, we should not consciously set out to deceive or mislead others especially in relationships and in marriage.
Lying is the devils language and when he speaks he speaks lies. In like manner anyone that defaults to lying to get out of tight situations makes the devil his or her father. The bible in many ways stresses the lying tongue and deceitfulness as evil and should not be named amongst us.
Proverbs 12:22 Lying lips are abomination to the Lord: but they that deal truly are his delight.
One of the points mentioned in "7 Things I Understood Better 12 Months into Marriage" is going into a relationship with clean hands especially when it would eventually lead to the altar. In trying to woo your date and give a good impression of yourself, do not lie or deceive him or her. It would be a horrible feeling to find out that your spouse lied during courtship and deceived you into getting married. Manipulation is wickedness!
Some of the common things deliberately kept hidden from intended spouses include:
- Financial situation and debt owed
- Children from previous relationships
- Previous marriages especially after relocating
- Medical history and health status
- Past and present relationships
- Addictions and habits that may warrant re-consideration e.g. drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, gambling etc
When dating, questions should be asked. The obvious may not be the reality as we are often very good at pretending to get what we want. It does take the Holy Spirit to discern the lying tongue. So when dating, it is important to be prayerful and trust God to reveal to you who your intended spouse really is.
Is love at first sight real? It is more like lust at first sight. You don’t just meet a bloke or lady in the bar and say you found love and a couple of weeks later you move in together or get married. No wonder the ever increasing rate of divorce in our generation.
Relationships should be built on trust and integrity. Once trust is questioned, a great cause for concern emerges. How can you sleep on the same bed with your spouse who you confidently and knowingly lie to? It is wicked. It doesn’t matter what the lie was, as long as it was deliberate with the intent to deceive your spouse, it brings the element of doubt in the relationship. What else has my spouse being lying about? Does it mean that I need to double check every information my spouse gives me to know if it’s true of not? Are these children really mine or someone else’s? Do I really know who my spouse is? These are some of the question that may begin to build up in the deceived party. The person whom you thought was your best friend, partner, confidant and lover suddenly becomes a traitor and spy.
Think carefully before you take that step downhill to deceive your spouse. You are destroying the trust and faith your spouse has in you by so doing. You act is also a measure of the value you place on your marriage, relationship and faith in God. It is an uphill task to rebuild trust when broken. Don’t give the devil a foothold in your relationship. Trust is like an egg, when broken it could take a lifetime of commitment and determination to regain what was lost. Don’t be surprised if you walk on egg shells along the way.
Sometimes we err, to err is human and to forgive is Divine. If you find yourself in a situation whereby your integrity is in question due to your omission or commission, ask for forgiveness from the person involved and make conscious efforts to regain his or her trust.