While some people maintain a dating relationship solely for companionship and sex – “friends with benefits”, others seek genuine love and intimacy that would eventually lead into marriage. If you fall in the former school of thought, the question whether speaking and kissing in tongues go together would not arise at all. But if you are in the later and have noble intentions while dating, it is imperative that you establish clear boundaries with regards to getting turned on and being sexually aroused.
You painstakingly did the detective work and gathered enough information about your intended date to help you decide whether to go out with him or not. From the information you gathered, giving him the green light was almost certain. He was the man of your dreams, hardworking, sensitive, caring, and romantic and above all, fears God. Hitherto, you have been preparing yourself for this moment in life. You followed the teachings of the bible, very active in church and faithful to God. You could be classed as a virtuous woman to the core not associating yourself with the sexual perversions of the society. You could not stop thanking God for bringing the two of you together.
The dating relationship started on a good note, it was just like a dream come through or a fairy tale. You share common interests, similar biblical believes and your friends and family seem to like him. He was a perfect gentleman and you could not believe how blessed you were to have him. You talked about any and everything, some of the issues you agree with, while others you both agree to disagree. But as many would shy away from, you did not discuss sex, boundaries and how to maintain sexual purity in the relationship. Nothing was ever mentioned in this regard even though deep down in your hearts it was a burden. No one wanted to be classed as being worldly, carnal or not spiritual.
Six months have passed and you have both grown to like each other very much. Each time he says I love you, your knees begin to fellowship and you can hardly stand upright. At lunch hour, you wait anxiously to take his call. You can’t sleep at night when there is an unsettled issue on the ground. You pray day and night that the relationship moves to the next level speaking in tongues from the depth of your heart.
It is obvious that both of you are emotionally charged, but neither of you have had the courage to talk about sex nor thought about establishing clear boundaries. Only a spark could cause the emotionally charged atmosphere to explode. From the depths of your hearts you want to maintain sexual purity and abstain from sex until marriage. Your spirit was willing but the body was weak.
He suddenly had to go away on a business trip for two days which seemed like eternity to you. You longed to see him and prayed that all would go well and that he would return to you. How happy you were when he called and said he was only a few minutes away from your door step. He wanted to surprise you and did not tell you he was coming back early. You rushed and greeted him with a loving embrace as you answered the door bell. You body almost crushed the bouquet of roses he had brought back with him from his journey.
With your tongues shoved deep down each other’s trout, endorphins started to pump fast into your blood streams. The box of chocolate he was holding dropped to the floor as the endorphins kept pumping. This wasn’t the first time you’ve kissed this way so it shouldn’t really be a problem. In previous occasions it only lasted a few seconds but this it lasted like eternity and you crossed the point of no return. No tongue talking or devil stomping could save the final outcome now. Unconsciously, you were binding his belt, trousers and zippers but in reality he was losing your buttons, bra and panties. No one seemed to remember any scripture from the bible at this point. All of a sudden you could count the tiles in the ceiling as the front door slapped and the settee gave way.
In a few moments the deed was done and all the scriptures suddenly came back. You both felt condemned, dirty and ashamed wondering how your clothes were scattered all over the carpet. No amount of tears could bring back your virginity now. Your vision of losing it in a romantic atmosphere in holy matrimony was exchanged with a short experience on an old carpet under the noon sun. The sweet voice you always longed to hear could not comfort you at that moment. The relationship which until now had been wonderful all of a sudden has brought condemnation, guilt and shame. Now you have to book an appointment to have a pregnancy test taken hoping an already bad situation doesn’t get any worse.
The crux of the matter
- Being a Christian doesn’t mean you lose your common sense or be unaware of the reality of life especially when dating. Seek information, read, get advice and get mentors. You may find "7 Essential Dating Tips That Work" helpful.
- Talking about sex when dating isn’t a sign of carnality or promiscuity. When the time is right, you should discuss it and establish clear boundaries to help you maintain sexual purity in your relationship
- Be aware of your weakness. You are only as strong as the weakest link. Know yourself and what turns you on. Talk about it and be conscious of situations that would trigger it.
- Kissing may not necessarily be wrong but there should be limits so you don’t stir up feelings that should be dormant.
- Flee situations that are getting out of control and live to fight another day.
Every Teenager’s Little Black Book on Sex and Dating
So You’re About to be a Teenager
Do you ever wish someone would let you in on the secrets? Do you wish someone would tell you about love, dating and sex, why your parents seem so clueless, and why sometimes you just want to hide from people at school? So You’re About to Be a Teenager is like a friend who isn’t afraid to spill the beans about it all!
When brother and sister Samuel and Rebecca Rainey were teenagers (not too long ago), they were curious about kissing, shaving, parties and pornography. They also remember feeling self-conscious, and worried about things they didn’t want to talk about with anyone. Now that they’ve made it through their teen years, they along with their parents, who are finally cool in their eyes will talk about all those things you’ve been wondering about.
They’ll even tell you some wild things you didn’t know you wanted to know. Right now, you’re probably thinking of something that’s been worrying your, a question you’d like answered. Maybe you’ve asked a friend about it, or maybe no one knows what you’re dealing with. This book is full of answers. Don’t believe it? Keep reading.
A Passion for Purity: Protecting God’s Precious Gift of Virginity
In this powerfully insightful book, Carla Stephens reveals the meaning of, and God’s original purpose for virginity. By showing girls that their mind is where virginity starts, readers will be ready to fight temptation by taking control of their thoughts.
Through Scripture, personal testimony, and practical illustrations, she shatters the stigma of being a virgin and outlines the steps necessary to keep readers focused on God and all that He has for them.
Im a physically fit atractive man. I was a virgin until age 33.never kissed until 32. And then I threw it away. For two years I worked harder than I ever worked in my life and it was all for her. I even let her leave with a nearly new car bought and completely paid for by me and put the title in her name. We werent married. She said it was all in her past but she loved the booze,the boys and the bong. I have never been drunk or on drugs and I never touched nor flirted with another woman while with her. Lived with her for 2 years until it ended this year.
In God’s due time………
i really love your articles on dating it has really given me a high standard in my own relationship. although i’m about to get married to an 18years old girl,while i’m just 23 years old. but ,i’m having a problem, the ladies parents are refusing her to get married to me what do you advise. i awiat an urgent response(answer) from you. thanks
Every relationship is unique though the same principles can be applied to establish a firm foundation on which to build holy matrimony. The big question I need to ask is why her parents are not in support of the marriage?
does it really take one to be rich before he/she can begin to think of marrige? and at what age do you really suggest one(male/female) to get marriage or does marrige has a definite age? thanks.
With marriage comes responsibility, one of which is to take care and provide for the home which requires means. In my opinion, the man should have the means of taking care of himself and the wife comfortably before getting into marriage.
There is a legal age one must attain before getting married. This age differ from place to place. Also, it takes a man, not a boy, to get married which implies maturity. Maturity isn’t a function of age. One should be matured both physically and spiritually with the means to fend for the family. The same applies to women. Once they have reached the ‘flower of their age’ as the bible puts it they can marry.