“I am breaking up with my girlfriend because she is too perfect” was the out cry of a frustrated man in a 9 month relationship. Some people may ask,” are you crazy?” or “can we swap girlfriends”? But what would your reaction be if you were in his situation?
These is nothing like a perfect relationship, there must be conflicts. Having conflicts isn’t the problem but how the conflict is handled has always been the issue. No matter how identical two individuals are, they must have areas in life where they differ in opinions, interests, ideologies or beliefs.
In a relationship, if both parties are exactly the same, then one person is irrelevant and has seized to exist as an individual. Rather he or she is a reflection of the other person in the relationship. It is possible that one person is laid back and not really into arguments or conflicts. He or she might just give in to prevent further arguments. Peace at all cost is no peace at all. Avoiding arguments may seem to be ideal in the short term but the effects on the relationship would be felt in the long term.
In some societies, having the so called perfect relationship would be a perfect scenario, especially in societies where the man is regarded as the Alpha and Omega. He barks “jump” to the woman and she replies “how high”. In such cases, she seizes to express her feelings, disapproval or concerns for fear of retribution. She exist as a figure head, an in most cases a sex object. To everyone, else she is the perfect and obedient wife, loving caring and probably a references point by jealous neighbours and relatives. Only if they knew what the situation really was.
Why would a woman subject herself to a lifetime of misery, depression, slavery and emotional denial? Definitely her marriage to her husband would be a wrong model for her children to emulate. Could it be because of:
Some religions regard women as lesser beings and require them to be subordinate to their husband. Hence thy have no voice, vote or opinion.
There are traditions and cultures that also regard women to be lesser than the man. They are given as gifts to worthy friends or business associates. In some cases they are presented to the ruling monarch as wives. There is a practice in a tribe whereby men entertain their guests with their wives. All you have to do is visit a friend that believes in that foolishness and you can have his wife for the night.
Would you blame a woman that has been in numerous relationships and everyone ended in a fiasco leaving her heart broken? Besides her biological clock is ticking fast. This time she has decided to deny herself her liberty, voice and opinion in order to please her husband. She fears she stands a better chance if she goes with the flow and do exactly what he says, thinks or feels.
Can any one identify with this? In a situation where one person is intimidating, the other person seizes to exist because he or she believes he/she doesn’t stand a chance in the argument or conflict. So to keep the peace, he or she just obeys whatever the command is. Most women married to soldiers fall in this category.
Lack of self esteem
It is possible that inferiority complex and lack of self esteem can contribute to how one reacts in a relationship. When you feel that you are being done a favour by being in the relationship, then you would always be subservient doing every and anything possible to please your mate.
Well, its possible he or she is after something, hence the reluctance to oppose or disagree with anything. There are gold diggers around looking for whom to devour. It could be for financial gains, immigration purpose or to conceal damaging medical history.
An ideal relationship is one where there is true love with no fear of intimidation. Both parties are free to express themselves and express their innermost thoughts, dreams and aspirations. In areas of disagreements, they both seek a middle ground or agree to disagree. In life we are bound to face conflicts with relatives, friends, work colleagues and in places of worship. It is crucial that both parties master the act of fighting fair, conflict resolution and diplomacy without having to compromise ones believes and values.