Getting Past Being Laid – Dating Wisely


Not again! You’ve just broken up from another horrible relationship that left you bruised and battered. You  can’t seem to get a grip of your emotions anymore. The guy you trusted and believed in turned out to be a ferocious beast with the ultimate desire to get under your skirts. Now things are clearer and the warnings you ignored from friends begin to taunt you. Perhaps you should have been more open to listen to friends and siblings. But how could you, you were in love. He swept you off you feet with his charms and sweet talk. He was the shoulder to lean on after your previous boyfriend jilted you. He listened to every word you spoke and always said the right words. He wasn’t anything like the last two relationships you’ve had. But why does it keep happening to me. I thought that was the last time.

This is a common scenario young women face in our society today. There are ravaging wolves whose main aim it to get into the pants of as many unsuspecting ladies as possible. They do not mind investing their time and resources to achieve their objectives. After all, the prize is worth every effort. They can be transformed overnight to a pious Christian, learn the right jargons and easily pass for the person they want you to believe they are. For a guy having sex is an act and every hit a conquest. For a woman it involves her emotions and mind hence the deep scars that are created when a woman feels she has been used.

Men like this leave their victims emotionally damaged and sometimes hardened. The ladies begin to create  impressions about men and become aggressive. It is common place to find them vowing to break the hearts of unsuspecting men as well. While a few learn from their mistakes, others end up repeating the same mistakes believing it would not happen to them again. Well insanity is repeating the same thing and expecting  different result. Does this saying sound familiar?

If you find yourself in this position, brace yourself up. Don’t give up. There are virtuous men out there seeking for a decent and godly relationship, that’s if it’s your heart’s desire to have one. You need to be true to yourself and know what you want. Only a fool builds a house without counting the cost.

When you decide to date again, you should:

Choose your date wisely

The more time you take to choose your date, the less likely that he would be a bum. Do some fact finding about any prospects, you need to get as much information as you can lay hands on. He didn’t just fall from the moon he came from somewhere. It is advisable to be friends  first and perhaps date in groups when there are no strings attached, observe and make sound judgments.

Involve matured couples, friends to mentor you

Seek the advice of mature and decent Christians to mentor you and give advice. They have been where you are and would provide good counsel based on the bible. In the multitude of counsel there is safely. Listen to your friends and siblings they can see things more clearly than you can. Introduce him to them and make him realise that you have people that would be watching out for you. Besides, if things do not work out well, they would be the ones to pick you up.

Evaluate your relationship periodically

When you do start dating, do not assume the relationship to be deeper than it currently is. The dating period should give you an opportunity to discover who he really is and if you have things in common. You may want to read "7 Essential Dating Tips That Work".

Talk about sex and boundaries in dating

When you feel things are heating up and the relationship is moving on well, you should find the right time to talk about sex and sexual purity in the relationship. Make clear boundaries, you don’t want to another repeat of your past experiences.

Flee situations

From previous experience, seat back and evaluate you sex drive and find out what makes you heat up. That way you can avoid situations that would cause you to be defenceless. If any situation is too hot to handle head for the door. That would be the wrong time to start speaking in tongues and binding the devil.

Recommended Reading

Every Young Woman’s Battle: Guarding Your Mind, Heart, and Body in a Sex-Saturated World

Guys aren’t the only ones fighting for purity in today’s sex-saturated society! Girls who just want to fit in and look attractive can be swept up in destructive relationships and behaviours – paying a terrible cost.

Ethridge and Arterburn offer interviews, research, and godly advice to help young women avoid these pitfalls and achieve sexual integrity.

Every Woman’s Battle: Discovering God’s Plan for Sexual and Emotional Fulfilment

When does an affair begin? Not with the first forbidden touch…but with the first forbidden thought. Unexpectedly, you find yourself enjoying a powerful emotional bond with another man. You feel like you matter to someone again. And the door you thought was locked so firmly—the door to sexual infidelity—is suddenly ajar.

The only way you can survive the intense struggle for sexual integrity is by guarding not just your body, but your mind and heart as well. Every Woman’s Battle can help you learn to do that. Using real-life stories and examples from her own struggle, Shannon Ethridge helps women like you—whether married, engaged, or planning to marry someday.


About Author

Pele began his education in Nigeria before moving to the UK for a masters degree and subsequently a PhD in computer science. The sharp contrast in life and morals in the UK motivated him to start his blog, a website dedicated to sharing candid and virtuous views to enable individuals and families maximize their potentials in life, relationships and finances.

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