Misplaced Priority: My Spouse or My Job?


What the lord has joined together let no man put asunder –  definitely is one of the phrases proclaimed by the priest during a marriage ceremony confirming the union of a man and a woman as husband and wife. But how often do we allow people, situations and policies affect this God-given instruction?

Rightly said and in line with the bible, that is how God ordained it to be and it is the basis on which the marriage is founded. This declaration implies that no man, or ordinances proposed by man should interfere with the unity that exist in marriage. Once this unity is compromised by either party’s misplaced priority, the union is on its path to demise. You do not need psychic powers to predict what the end would be. This also includes parents, siblings, friends, children, employers and even the priest that joined both parties in marriage taking precedence over your spouse.

Our society today has relegated the sanctity of marriage to the background. The general lack of regard to the marriage institution has crept into organisations, businesses and in some way, has begun to create a state of misplaced priorities in the minds of married employees. For married employees working in an organisation, it is very important that they understand who their allegiance is to first, and the boundaries that need to be in place when working for a company.

As a matter of fact, I believe any spouse that has any regard for the marriage institution should inquire at the job interview what the company’s policy is concerning married employees. In my opinion, if they do not have policies that support marriages or encourage its sustainability, you should not take the job no matter how well paid it is, whether it is your dream job or not, or has the best career potential. You have to consider the effect the job description would have on your spouse and children, if you have kids. It is very important to have a very clear idea of the type of job you want and also make sure you ask at the interview to find out if the company is right for you. Sometimes you may be desperate to get a job and ignore this step, but at the long run it would cost you more that you anticipated after the euphoria of getting the job has waned. Except you are deliberately getting the job to get away from your spouse and family, you should take this point very seriously.

It is sad to say that there are companies that do not respect marriages and it is reflected in their policies. One aspect is not allowing married employees bring their spouses to events such as Christmas parties and the likes. Of course, the depraved society that we live in see flirting at work, having illicit relationships and sex in offices, fornication, adultery and scandals as the order of the day. Bosses and employees, secretary and bosses etc. all want to have a fling with one another. Social events like these give the opportunity to fulfil fantasies and to misbehave especially under the influence of alcohol and the euphoria of the charged atmosphere. No wonder, spouses are excluded from such events. To me that should be a tell sign to a decent and focused spouse that his or her days are numbered in that company if the job contract was signed without prior knowledge of this policy.

The spouse’s first allegiance is to God, then his or her spouse. The job, boss, employer or money should not even be considered when the unity of the couple is threatened. A spouse that is happy to go to such events without the spouse should pause a while and think again. If he or she has no skeleton in the cupboard or anything to hide you should not even consider going. You do not need to attend under peer pressure or fear of not being promoted or accusations of being anti-social. You must have clear priorities, values and boundaries which you must abide to eliminate any thing that may breed doubt or suspicion in your home. Your job is temporal but your marriage is a lifelong commitment. You will definitely retire one day; you may change jobs several times before retirements but your marriage is to death.

My question to you today is what is your priority, your spouse or your job? Your pay check of your spouse’s love? Acceptance by your colleagues at work or you spouse’s trust? Your bosses affirmation or peace in your home? We live by the decisions we make daily. Every decision we make or do not make has an effect on our lives, marriages and family. In situations like this if you do not make the decision, it would be made for you by default.

Recommended Books

  • Ethics 101: What Every Leader Needs to Know

    How does a person judge what is ethical? You know Enron’s leaders were in the wrong but is it always easy to see where the line is in your life? What is the standard? Can it work in ALL situations? John C Maxwell thinks it can.

    When the bestselling author, successful businessman and former pastor was asked his thoughts on business ethics his response was ‘there’s no such thing – only ethics!’. Maxwell asserts that there’s an ethical standard for all behaviour and you might be surprised what it’s based on. Did you know that a variation of the Golden Rule exists in Every major religion? In ETHICS 101, Maxwell shows how people can live with integrity by using the Golden Rule as their standard – regardless of religion, culture or circumstances.

    Along the way he delves into the desires of the human heart, reveals the five most common causes that get people off track ethically and teaches how to develop the Midas touch when it comes to integrity

  • Integrity at Work: Finding Your Ethical Compass in a Post-Enron World

    Ethics in the workplace isn’t just a matter of corporate litigation and big companies. Those on the job are faced daily with ethical decisions at work – large and small. How can Christians maintain godly integrity at work, especially when the pressure is often so strong to do otherwise? Here is a realistic, practical resource that tackles these issues head-on.

    The heart of the book is a biblically based compass for doing the right thing in any workplace situation, spelled out in the acrostic: examine the facts; truth; hesitate; identify greater good; consider; and, stand for God. The authors demonstrate how this compass can be applied, using situations from the life of Daniel.

    This helpful and practical book covers common ethical dilemmas faced in today’s workplace and is perfect for anyone who works, from the CEO on down.


About Author

Pele began his education in Nigeria before moving to the UK for a masters degree and subsequently a PhD in computer science. The sharp contrast in life and morals in the UK motivated him to start his blog, a website dedicated to sharing candid and virtuous views to enable individuals and families maximize their potentials in life, relationships and finances.

Leave A Reply