Numbers Don’t Add Up in Love and Dating


Did you ever tell yourself you wanted to get married at a certain age or you wanted to have your kids before your thirties? Perhaps you’ve also said you wanted a younger or older wife or husband. Most times numbers don’t add up in matters like this. Although I do not see anything wrong in having preferences, if things turn out the way you wanted, great! But you shouldn’t make things happen the way you want them to at all cost. I fell into that trap once and getting out was dreadful and a horrendous dating experience.

dating-direct I got engaged early in my early twenties not long after graduating. Many considered it early especially in the part of society where I grew up. In my opinion at that time was that marriage would provide a safe haven from the piercing sexual desires, besides why wait when both parties are willing and able. Well one thing led to another and the relationship ended and I was back in the singles market again. It was a very difficult breaking up the relationship, and it took close to a decade for me to realise that time had gone by after which I then set myself a target to get married at all cost by a certain age.

Looking back, it wasn’t a wise thing to do, I ended up putting pressure on myself probably because most of my colleagues and peers were married with kids and I wasn’t getting any younger. A few more years went by and I was running out of time to meeting my target I needed a bride fast. So what did I do, I decided to re-enact the broken relationship after losing contact for close to a decade and separated by the Atlantic. Of course, people change over time, develop habits, form opinions and defend their values. You can’t expect someone to remain the same, but that never crossed my mind. I had a target and wanted to meet it and nothing else mattered.

What was I thinking? Is it that she wouldn’t have had relationships and perhaps not in one at the time of re-enactment? The whole scenario was very messy and the fact that there was distance separating us didn’t make it any better. It became very apparent after the whole episode that the truth wasn’t being told and there was deception in the background. The experience taught me a lot of lessons, and thanks to a friend who was able to knock some sense into my head and make me see things clearly and objectively. It would have been a different story today.

These are the conclusion I drew from my experience:

  1. People change over time which is influenced by the society they live in.
  2. If re-enacting an old relationship, the reasons for the re-enactment must be clear, convincing and tested over time. It would take more to convince an ex that the relationship would not break up again though sceptical about the feasibility of re-enacting broken relationships.
  3. You must develop your view of the person based on the current situation and not on events of the past.
  4. Separation and distance can be a hindrance and an obstacle in developing meaningful dating relationships especially if a strong bound did not exist prior to the separation.
  5. There isn’t any substitute for face to face meetings when developing a relationship. Letter writing, talking over the phone, chatting, digital imaging, photographs, Internet etc can be deceptive and can give false impressions.
  6. Invest time when dating to know each other and become very good friends.
  7. Acquired impressions of a person can becloud decision-making especially when it is perceived that he or she is better off and can provide financial security.
  8. It can be very difficult to break up a second time when things do not genuinely work out especially when families are involved in both situations.

The crux of the matter is that we shouldn’t put ourselves under pressure or succumb to pressure from friends, family and so called well wishers. Do the right things, develop good and godly character. When it is God’s time you’ll find your bride or will be found by your husband. The same applies to our desires and needs. It’s God that gives children so don’t worry if it tarries. A day with God is like a thousand and a thousand like a day.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Recommended Reading

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All I Wanted Was A Baby

Do your arms ache to cradle a child, to nurture, cuddle and train him in the way he should go? Do you struggle with wondering why you’re barren, or feel you can’t bear the pain of another miscarriage. Kimberly Davis understands the pain of empty arms.

Through nine miscarriages over a seven year period she sunk to the depths of despair, felt deserted by God, and wondered if life was worth living without a child. Riding an emotional roller coaster, her hopes rose with each pregnancy only to crash again with grief. Yet something inside her kept telling her to trust God, and He would prove His power. When she could bear the pain no longer, God, in His faithfulness, gave her a son…and another…and another.


About Author

Pele began his education in Nigeria before moving to the UK for a masters degree and subsequently a PhD in computer science. The sharp contrast in life and morals in the UK motivated him to start his blog, a website dedicated to sharing candid and virtuous views to enable individuals and families maximize their potentials in life, relationships and finances.

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