Why do women cry and men get angry all the time? Cars have dashboards while other pieces of equipment have indicators that tell the user something about an equipment. They show the status of a device, give instructions or warn of impending danger. These indicators draw the user’s attention to the situation, except the user intentional decides to ignore them. The same analogy can be applied to human beings. Babies communicate by crying especially when they cannot talk. The same way we laugh to show when we are happy and enjoying ourselves, frown when upset, cry and shed tears when in pain and shy away when embarrassed. These are tell-tale signs. Aren’t they obvious? You may ask. In marriage, apparently they are not that obvious.
Marriage introduces you to yourself and gives you the lifelong opportunity to study your spouse. Getting to know one another can be a very daunting task, and if you’ve not had pre-marital counselling you may be in for a big shock. In the early days there are bound to be conflicts, and learning how to fight fair can be a trying experience. Women often burst into tears when hurt while the men get angry and unfortunately, in some situations, take the anger to the next level.
The shedding of tears and getting angry are signs that something is wrong and needs attention. If the man decides to ignore the tears of the woman, the woman ignores the man’s anger or vice versa, the situation would not be rectified. So what should be the right response in these situations?
- Look beyond the tears or anger and understand that the person is in pain and distress
- Understand the person needs your comfort, reassurance and love at that point even if their words and actions say otherwise
- Do not minimise the other persons pain
- Tactfully show your support by being present, holding hands or probably communicating non-verbally. Sometimes silence speaks volumes. Don’t walk away!
- At that point in time, it isn’t the right moment for a lecture, fault finding or proffering solutions
- Think and discern what may have been the cause or reason for the outburst in tears or anger, rewind and re-examine either what had just happened or been said. Words or actions that may seem perfectly ok to you may not be the same case for your spouse. That shouldn’t be an excuse to minimise his or her pain.
- Use your God given intuition to react appropriately. Imagine you were in pain or distress, how would you want to be comforted?
These aren’t hard and fast rules but would, in some way, help alleviate the situation and it applies to both sides. If you choose to ignore and do otherwise, remember that you are sowing seeds, so expect your harvest in due season.
Situations, actions, words and deeds can force people to react in different ways, while we may be professing Christians living by faith, we need the love and support of others especially our spouses to overcome trying situations. It can be hard and difficult at times but with equal commitment to nurse each other’s needs and respond positively, the journey through holy matrimony can be a lot smoother and blissful.