Loving people date and when the time is right, the get engaged and marry. After marriage, some are faced with the the challenge of bearing children either unable to conceive or unable to carry the pregnancy to term. Family pressure builds up coupled with pain and depression, the situation doesn’t get any better.
Procreation is a primary reason for marriage as ordained by God that we go into the world and multiply. In some cultures, having a child particularly a male child is the rubber stamp of the marriage. When there is a perceived delay in the realisation of this desire, more often than not, the woman is blamed for the situation. She’s often left to bear the brunt regardless of what the reasons maybe be. Hence is some families and cultures, it is permissible for the bride to get pregnant before the wedding day to prove her fertility.
There are several reasons why getting pregnant or carrying the pregnancy to term become a challenge in marriages, they may include:
- Medical reasons due to no fault of either party
- Side effects of operations had in the past
- Damage to the womb due to previous abortions or operations
- Being overweight
- Stress and anxiety
- Misjudged monthly circle
- Sterilisation
- Hidden truths and deceit
- Ancestral Curses
Whichever the case maybe, being in this situation particularly in an African setting brings about incredible amount of pressure. In-laws have been known to become hostile and aggressive to the wife with insults and name calling.
If deceit is involved, whereby a spouse is aware they cannot procreate and deliberately keeps this from the other party, it would take the grace of God to expose and reveal the truth. What should you do if you find yourself in this situation?
- Pray and trust God to help you discern the truth if deception is in play in your situation. Questions need to be asked and possibly medical examinations done to establish what the medical facts are. It is necessary that this is done swiftly and a reliable conclusion is reached where both parties are satisfied with the outcome with all doubts cleared.
- With the facts established and deceit ruled out, both parties by faith need to stand on the word and trust God to change the facts of their situation.
- Depending on the facts, it may be required to undergo medical operations to:
- Revert operations done in the past
- Undergo treatment that enhances the chances of getting pregnant eg IVF, hormonal therapy etc.
While in agreement and trusting God in their situation, the couple needs to be steadfast and resolute to face the outside world as one with one voice. Also, boundaries need to be established with in-laws, relatives and friends by:
- Make it loud and clear that you are both in agreement and resolute in your commitments to each other. As with any situation in marriage, giving others the impression that there is a crack in your relationship is a clear invitation to cause havoc and sow seeds of discord: do not entertain it.
- Address any issue of abuse firmly with friends, family and in-laws
- Pray together and talk about how you feel with each other, encouraging and lifting each other when weary and down cast.
- Seek spiritual guidance and support from your local church community and leaders you trust and hold in high esteem.
- Listen and speak with people that have gone through similar situations successfully for encouragement and counsel.
- As much as it is within your power, take the required actions to eliminate any contributing factor by:
- Making good lifestyle choices
- Reducing weight if overweight or obese.
- Avoiding circumstances that creates anxiety and stress.
There are couples that have taken the necessary steps humanly possible by faith but we’re still not able to conceive a child. All hope isn’t lost as there are children looking for loving homes, adoption is also an option you can explore.
