In societies where marriage is non-existent, this statement is irrelevant. People stack up, shack up and rack up at will. Whenever they have the urge they merge and produce babies out of wedlock. To them there is no big deal in making the decision to have kids. The answer lies between their legs. They just live together with no commitments or strings attached just friends with benefits. The common escape clause is “… marriage is just a piece of paper…”. On the other hand, people in societies that value the sanctity of marriage sometimes are torn between the decision whether the bride should get pregnant before the wedding day or not. Often, both families are committed to the wedding and the likelihood of the wedding falling through is remote.
Indecision like this sometimes arises because:
- Traditions of menSome traditions require the bride to be pregnant before marriage to prove her fertility and ability to raise children. The bride could be a virgin, but tradition requires she is pregnant to fulfil the rites
- PromiscuityThe ever increasing rate of pre-marital sex and abortions cast doubt on the fertility of ladies and the potency of the men. Hence the litmus test, regardless of medical examination, is for the intended bride to be impregnated by the groom.
- Pressure from parents in need of grandchildrenThere are situations where the parents have strong hold on their children. To their children, it’s their utmost desire to please them as an act of respect.
- As a trap to hasten the marriage processPerhaps you been in a relationship for what seems like ages, you are both committed to the relationship but he hasn’t proposed or said anything about getting married. As each day goes by, you feel you are getting older and your patience is running out. Breaking up and contemplating another relationship is out of the question, so you help yourself.
It is very easy to conclude that anyone caught in this dilemma is not a Christian, born again or knows the bible. But it is often not the case. The unbeliever or non-Christian without any religious inclination or moral value does not have this problem. He or she just goes ahead without any inhibitions to the applause and commendation of others. As Christians faced with a situation like this, what should we do?
The bible is clear on fornication, so the answer is not to concede to the pressure or act on these thoughts when they come. Though the answer is straight forward and clear, the situation doesn’t just vanish overnight. The decision to abstain from sex until marriage needs to be followed through and steps taken to ensure one does not concede. It can be a trying moment especially for ladies but it won’t last for long.
Sometimes we feel very isolated or believe our situation is an isolated case, but the truth is that it isn’t. There are a thousand and one individuals in exactly the same situation but the “holy art thou” attitude help shield their troubled souls. You often get to know after the birth of their first child which is often exactly 9 months after the wedding day or reported to have arrived early.
In circumstances like this, your maturity and how much of the bible you know would determine your cause of action. But here are a few suggestions depending on where the pressure is coming from:
- Phone-a-friend. Find a trustworthy friend you can talk to and share your heart, one who would not despise your thoughts or try to cast out demons from you. If you are in a bible believing church, seek out one of the elders you can share your burden with and receive godly counsel.
- It might not be as easy as working out of the relationship if the pressure if from your fiancé. He may be passing though a hard time and under pressure. He might need help and counsel as well. You would be in a better position to help him by speaking to ‘the friend’ to give him godly counsel.
- A simple medical examination to ascertain your fertility and potency could take of the pressure and restore confidence. It is advisable however, that you take a test before getting married, pressure or no pressure.
- If the pressure is from parents, confronting them and quoting bible passages may not be the best way to go about it. It would probably work out better if you lay low for a while, pray and trust God to change their hearts to accept your decisions even if they don’t agree. It would be ideal to marry with the blessings of your parents even if they are not Christians. Running off and getting married on an island won’t do the trick.
- In the case where your mind is playing games on you, you may need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your fiancé and let him know your concerns. You don’t want to be engaged for 10 years still waiting to get married. Talk things out and if the situation doesn’t improve revert to phone-a-friend.
Don’t underestimate the power of prayers. Whatever steps you take you must seek God’s face and guidance. Study the bible and find scriptures about your situation and stand on them. Confess them daily and let them be a part of you. Be in the midst of godly people that would encourage you and build your faith. It won’t last for long. Perhaps you have been a situation like this or would like to suggest solutions. You may find reading the book recommended below informative and inspiring.
Recommended Book
Why You Should Not Have Sex Before Marriage: The Christian Perspective
One of the biggest challenges (if not the biggest challenge) facing Christian teenagers today is the Biblical requirement to preserve one’s virginity before marriage. There are many reasons why Christian teens lose their virginity before marriage.
- It can be due to peer-pressure.
- It can be because of lack of clear Biblical teaching in their Church youth group programs.
- It can be because they are from a broken home and they long for some kind of affection that they don’t feel like they get at home.
- Maybe their Christian parents do not adequately teach them about what the Bible teaches.
Evangelist Sam Goode’s book is great because it gives guidance where guidance is needed. He discusses from the Bible why keeping virginity before marriage is important. Also, based on Biblical principles and Christian philosophy, Evangelist Goode gives some common sense reasons why Christian teens should protect their virginity at all cost.
This is a must read for Christian parents and Christian youth pastors. This book would make a wonderful gift to Christian teens struggling in a Hollywood-bombarded secular culture that stands against the principles of the Bible.
