Hand in hand they walked in the garden in gentle strides enjoying the cool of the day. The sounds of whistling birds and waters flowing downstream always made the evening promenade pleasant. But wait a minute, the man and his wife haven’t got any clothes on and it didn’t seem to bother them. They loved each other and discovering that she was the bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh was a divine revelation.
Depending on the society you live in today, if you attempt to appear in public naked, you’ll either be arrested for public nudity or called a mad person. In the beginning it was not so however, the same principle of being “naked and unashamed” still applies in holy matrimony today. The man and wife should be open to each other, share no secrets, free to express themselves without fear of condemnation and above all, they should know and complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Achieving this depth of relationship requires total trust.
There are those that believe trust between spouses cannot be 100%, but in my opinion it should be unless there are valid and cogent reasons why it isn’t so. In such situations, trust needs to be rebuilt otherwise there is bound to be problems. A judge-defendant situation would most likely be the order of the marriage and if you live with a judge you would always be on trial. Every stable and lasting relationship is built on trust. Trust cannot be demanded, negotiated or bought, it has to be earned over time sometimes after going through trials, tests and temptations. In cases of infidelity, learning to trust again can be daunting. It is however possible to rebuild broken trust as illustrated in the recommended reading below.
Things you can do to trust and earn trust in an ensuing relationship include:
- Telling the truth in love and never telling a lie to your spouse. Once a lie is told, you create reasonable doubt and everything else you told your spouse becomes questionable. More about "The Truth About A Lie"
- Establishing and publishing the significance of your spouse to friends and family. Let them know he or she is number one. If your spouse cannot or doesn’t praise you in public, most likely he or she has condemned you in private.
- Setting boundaries especially with those outside the marriage. This includes exs, friends (especially those of the opposite sex), family and work colleagues. Know the "Dynamics of Friends and Friendships in Marriage"
- Honour you words, keep your promises and be reliable, if you can’t fulfil a promise let your spouse know, don’t think it would just go away.
Is it possible to trust a person so much that you can vouch for him or her? It is not possible to be everywhere at the same time, so how can you know what he or she is doing? How can you tell what they are thinking about or if they are “running things” behind your back? The answer is that you can trust a person 100% if he or she truly fears God. If you do not believe in the deity and omniscience of God, you would have a hard time trusting anyone even yourself.
Just like how the transmission and reception of space satellite signals make it possible for Global Positioning Systems (GPS) to work, Christians are connected to one another through the almighty God who is our omnipotent, omniscience and never failing father. It is God’s desire that the two (man and wife) become one flesh, inseparable, united in purpose, vision, goals and aspirations speaking with one voice at all times. There is nothing that they cannot achieve if they are in agreement. Married folks should strive to achieve and maintain this level of communion. Singles in dating relationships should desire to marry someone they can be naked with and unashamed of when married.
While in the midst of confusion and the personal anguish of infidelity in a marriage, there is something couples need to know-there is hope; marriages can heal; the authors of this book are living proof.
More than ten years ago, Gary Shriver confessed to his wife, Mona, about a three-year affair, as well as a one-night stand. Though the impact of that confession was devastating, it wasn’t the end of their marriage. In their deepest despair, Gary and Mona wanted to know a real couple whose marriage had survived infidelity. They wanted desperately for someone-someone who had been in that situation-to say to them, “You can get through this and learn to trust again!” But they could find no couple willing to be that vulnerable. This is why the Shrivers have opened the pages of their lives and hearts to hurting couples everywhere in “The Unfaithful: Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity.”
Gary and Mona each share, from their own perspectives, the impact of adultery on their family, the strength they found in their faith, what it takes to endure, the importance of communication and forgiveness, and so much more. With the Shrivers’ help, couples can learn to move beyond crisis to a place where they can renew their hope, rebuild their trust, and ultimately restore their marriages.
This book reveals practical guidelines and understanding for everyone involved – help and hope for the believer who wants to stand in the face of overwhelming sexual compulsions, forgiveness and knowledge for one who has been hurt by leaders who have fallen, and principles of counseling for those who wish to help someone who is struggling in this area. This book offers genuine help to honest people seeking sexual wholeness.