Who should I marry? The wife you should be to your husband – part 5


This is the concluding part of a 5-part response centered around deciding who to marry. The author highlighted the characteristics to look for in a man as well as those to be possessed by the woman to be a suitable help mete.

Citing true life examples, the author explained the need to choose wisely based on one’s emotions and intellect but guided by the bible. This is a must read for the single, engage and the married.

3. Are you his SUITABLE help mete

In development work and programming, we talk about ‘complimentality’ of projects to ensure effectiveness, synergy and maximization of aid from donor countries. This principle is far more important in marriage and is where the battle rages for a woman who is visionary and goal-oriented just like you are. To be an effective helpmate suitable for him, you’re expected to ” adjust, re-adapt and re-align” your goals, aspirations and dreams to be in sync with his visions and purpose in life. If not, two divergently-oriented captains will rock the boat and too many hands will spoil the broth as wise sages won’t to say!

My aunt shared her experience with me, a strong-willed and self motivated woman. She realised that for her marriage to work, she had to lay aside her will and submit to my uncle…and he’s loved her wholly because she doesn’t come as a competitor or opponent to him. A wise woman would lay aside her preferences for his and the interesting thing is that she wins his heart over by that singular attitude/action and he buys into her own dreams and goals thinking they are his without him realising it!

Are you willing to relocate if either of your suitors cannot join you where you are? Will you be ‘foolish’ enough like my friend who laid aside her Canadian citizenship and relocated because her hubby’s job won’t allow him to relocate? Sounds foolish but as an in-house person, her hubby can ‘kill’ just to ensure that she are happy. She did her masters locally whereas she could have done a better one abroad so it’s her choice and she doesn’t regret it because she’s still a Canadian citizen and visits yearly to enjoy the salubrious air of Toronto!

To some it is foolishness, but has God not used the foolish things of earth to discomfit our human wisdom and understanding? She isn’t foolish because I have always known her as a wise woman!

4. Can you incubate his destiny?

It’s this aspect that most men/women don’t know and any woman who understands the concept of “incubation’ would realise her calling in life pretty fast and clear. Why do women have WOMBS? Why do hens brood over eggs for as long as 21 days without being attracted to cockerels that woos them? What happened to mother hen in the 1st place? A dashing proud cock alighted over her and planted some seed into her, eggs begin to grow inside her and when she laid them, she provided warmth consistently till the chicks fully develop and break out.

When a man liberally gives a woman his sperm, the woman’s body accepts, multiplies, and gives life to it such that the output becomes a baby after 9 months! It’s like baggage in, baggage out scenario and that’s why I told you earlier on that a woman’s life reflects the experiences she’d had with men that came into her life at one time or the other. So a woman magnifies what she receives from a man in an exponentially!

  • When a man provides a house, the woman makes a home out of it
  • when a man gives a woman stress, she makes him more miserable
  • when he doesn’t provide for her, she becomes detestable and difficult
  • when he ignores her, she becomes frustrated, nags and a pain in his neck

Knowing the dynamics of the natural incubation power that God has given to women, it’s therefore important that you study the men in your life, and check cautiously how you react or respond when they are in your presence. Just like a woman can appeal to the king or beast in a man, ask yourself what the guy elicits or stirs up in you from your encounters with him? Does he court the “princess’ in you, or bring out your ‘worst and detestable nature’? Does the sight of him enthuse or detest you? Do you feel great or deflated after the long phone calls with him? Does his honey-coated flattery make your head swell, or is it the truth about what he tells you and how sincere his words are that scare you about him?

In closing this epistle, I wish to submit that I do not guarantee you that I have a ‘one solution fits’ all answers to your questions about how to make the choice between your suitors. Like you said, one appeals to your emotion, and the other appeals to your logical mind but I would chip in that much as your emotional/logical natures are called to play in resolving issues like this, I would suggest that your logical/emotional preferences be influenced by your spiritual side, the realm where the Holy Spirit interacts with our deepest being.

You know how logical I can be, but God had proven time and again that I can’t figure out issues of destiny with my mental acuity alone hence I have found reason to believe the instruction that says:

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Have a wonderful weekend and hope God uses these words of mine to minister to your anxious heart and may His Peace that passes all understanding guard your heart! Can’t believe I spent all this time writing all this. To God be the praise!

Your big brother,


Recommended reading

How to Get Your Husband to Listen to You: Understanding

Imagine what it would be like to confide in a husband who really listened!

Cobb and Grigsby explain the difference between male and female communication; show why wives and husbands often talk past one another; and empower women to quietly rebuild the love and respect in their relationships, resulting in the deep intimacy they crave.

The Best Thing I Ever Did for My Marriage: 50 Real-Life Stories

Sometimes the smallest thing can turn a marriage around! When Nancy Cobb and Connie Grigsby asked women about the best thing they ever did for their marriage, the responses were daringly honest.

Here are fifty eye-opening, often humorous true stories–including contributions from Cynthia Heald, Dee Brestin, Rosemary Jensen, and Donna Otto–that will inspire you with moments that build stronger marriages.

5 Paths to the Love of Your Life: Defining Your Dating Style

In 5 Paths to the Love of Your Life bestselling authors present five approaches to dating in one book. Dating, relationships, and marriage are much too important to risk on one person’s unproven advice.

This book is a collection of the most popular and talked-about approaches to dating featuring a diverse group of authors including Lauren Winner, Douglas Wilson, Rick Holland, Jonathan Lindvall, and twenty-something staples Jeramy and Jerusha Clark. Discover your own personalized path to the love of your life.


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