This is a follow up to "What To Look For In The Guy You Are Dating". Ideally the man should do the finding while the girl should position herself where she can be found. You seem to have found the girl, established contact and agreed to go out on a date, and the question may arise, “what should you be looking out for in the girl?”. Beauty and external body endowments most probably were the first things that attracted you to her but there is more to it that meets the eye.
All that seems well toned, robust and appealing would eventually head south with age but her character, values and attitude can always improve over time with lots of love and attention. So what should you as a man look out for? Below are just a few things you may watch out for. It definitely isn’t the whole shebang but probably a good starting point.
Beauty and Attraction
I have started with beauty and attraction not because it is the most important, but because men are visual stimulated especially with a woman’s beauty and physiology. What is beautiful is left to the individual to decide, for beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Every guy has his preference, big, fat, thin, short, tall etc. and except the man wants a fling or a one night stand, I can’t see why anyone would go out with a woman he is not attracted to.
The man should be proud to parade his date before his friends and take her out confidently, primarily because of her external appearance, dress sense and ultimately her personality. I remember a question a friend asked me when I sought advise about a girl I wanted to go out with, he asked if that was the face I wanted to see when I wake up in the morning. The bible admonishes women to be modest in their dressing but that doesn’t mean she has to be unkempt, untidy without dress sense, dignity or poise.
Salvation and Genuineness
You are attracted to her and like how she looks and dresses, next you need to establish for a fact that she is saved. You shouldn’t be unequally yoked especially with regards to your faith. There are those that have decided to do otherwise, trying to be the saviour to lead them to Christ, many have strayed away from the faith by so doing.
Determining the salvation of an individual male and female can be difficult especially when the person is bent on deceiving you. They would have learnt the jargon, when to say amens and the hallelujah etc but with patience and the wisdom of God you can always detect a fake. It is important and crucial that both of you believe the same doctrines because there are different denominations each having its doctrines. These differences may not be apparent on the onset but they would definitely come into play in marriage. Doctrinal differences may include the use of contraceptives, divine healing, paying tithes, assurance of salvation, speaking in tongues etc. These doctrinal differences especially for the devout and committed could be a breading ground for divisions and arguments.
Perhaps there is justification to the emphasis church leaders place on marring from within the local church. That way you can be assured both of you accept and believe the same doctrines.It would be a chaotic and confused situation if one party believes in divine healing and the other person condemns it. Worse still when children are involved, they would be confused! One parent says God heals, the other says otherwise. The list goes on and on. It’s important you understand these differences sooner rather that later.
The other extreme is the “holy art thou” attitude. Do you know of any person that wants to literally marry an angel, I certainly don’t! By being genuine, she should be herself and not a pretender or what some may call “forming”. It takes a self confident lady, assured of her salvation and without inferiority complex to be herself and act normally. Being self confident doesn’t imply being cheap or uncultured, s woman should always have poise and dignity. She is the glory of man. The bible employs us to walk in the spirit and possess the fruits of the spirit, that doesn’t mean you cannot make any sentence without saying praise God, Hallelujah or any other spiritual terms. She should be able to indulge in a conversation in a godly manner without particularly using spiritual terms.
The more genuine both parties are, the better and faster the relationship would develop. You would be able to create conducive atmosphere for heart to heart conversations. You may want to read more about the "7 Essential Dating Tips That Work".
Fun to be with
Generally no man would like to pursue a painful experience. There are ample trials and stresses in life just trying to be a man and a man of God. The woman should be a well of joy, laughter and a resting place. She should be one of your best friends but not your only best friend. She should be a shoulder to lean on, someone you can trust and is fun to be with. If you want a woman that is so spiritually dense and earthly useless, so be it.
When you are with her, does she make you happy? Do you always leave her presence depressed and angry? Does she build you up and genuinely seek your progress, remember you are in search for a help meet.
Teachable and willing to learn
There are women that are hardened most probably because of past experiences with other men in their lives. Some may have terrible attitudes while others may just be unteachable. You don’t want a figure head either that would ask how high when you say jump. You can find out more about "The Woman After God’s Heart".
An incubator and not a graveyard
The woman was designed primarily to receive, incubate and give back in good measure, pressed down shaken together and running over. Her physiology especially in child bearing and the innate desire to shop exemplifies this. Questions you may want to find answers to include while dating include:
- Is she able to make a house a home or a battle field
- Is she self centred and only thinks “me, myself and I”, or does she genuinely desire to be a blessing to the family
- How industrious is she, can she make you five loaves and two fishes feed a multitude
- Can she help in realising your vision
- Does she make you feel like a superman with her words of encouragement and belief in you
- Does she speak to the king in you or to the fool. In every man there is a king and a fool, the one you speak to will respond
The graveyard is usually the last stop for the flesh at least until the resurrection, does all the blessing always end up with her and nobody else? Do she genuinely welcome your family and treat them well? Would she shut the door on your siblings after the wedding. Do your feelings matter to her or is it always how I feel, what you did to me or what you didn’t buy for me?
It is a dangerous situation if you are a second choice or a rebound from a failed relationship. The odds that she doesn’t truly love you is very high. There would always be a constant comparison between you and her ex, if he’s truly an ex. Most times it would be three, four, five of you in the relationship not two. If she is in that position, it’s best to give her time to get over it and wait until she is ready for another relationship. You would be glad you did. You may also want to know "The Truth About A Lie".
Recommended Reading
The Excellent Wife
God has done a marvelous work of grace in my life by changing me from a rebellious, sinfully aggressive, feminist woman to a woman whose great joy is serving her Lord on His terms. The process of change began when I became a Christian in the early 1980’s at age 31. Since then, I have studied the Scriptures, taught many verse-by-verse book studies and received biblical counseling training.
Because of my eight years experience as a counselor to women at the Atlanta Biblical Counseling Center, I was able to anticipate and answer many of the questions and concerns of Christians wives. Because I could not find a book to recommend to women that contained a thorough enough and truly biblical view of godly submission of the wife to her husband, I wrote “The Excellent Wife” book. This book is practical and thoroughly biblical. God has used it to convict many women of their sin, to draw others close to him, and even to save some marriages.
There are many unique features of “The Excellent Wife” one of which is the chapter on “Resources to Protect a Woman Whose Husband is Sinning.” Another is the chapter on oneness. There are chapters on what the wife should do if she is lonely, angry, fearful, or in a difficult marriage. Many women are teaching and studying “The Excellent Wife” using the “Study Guide” that is now available in the student’s version and teacher’s versions (with the answers).
The book contains twenty-one chapters and the study guide twenty-four lessons. Therefore, a class could meet for twenty-four weeks or by doubling up, for twelve weeks. If you have any questions, please E Mail me at sampeace@randomc.com. May God Bless You, Martha Peace
